Fails

When I was a young lad my youth soccer team had a throw-in routine that we labelled “Pikachu”, much to the embarrassment of our coach. The player taking the throw-in would gleefully scream out the play over and over, and we’d get giddy as all hell at the opportunity to execute. Standing in a well-organized line four or five deep, the players towards the front would peel off laterally while the player at the very back of the queue would steam forward to collect the throw-in. 

The Montreal Impact changed from their normal home venue, the Saputo Stadium, to the Olympic Stadium for their 2016 MLS Cup Eastern Conference Final, and it looked like a stroke of genius. Instead of playing in front of 20,801 supporters, the Impact raised the attendance for Tuesday night’s first-leg match to over 61,000.

Unfortunately, the Olympic Stadium’s grounds crew wasn’t on the same page. 

We’ve seen players miss open goals before. Hell, even some of the finest strikers on the planet manage to put shots wide with the goal at their mercy. But this miss in a Serbian lower league match has no equal.

Life is a cruel, cruel mistress. One second you’re rolling nothing but sevens and 11s at the craps table, your fellow bettors chanting your name as you bestow precious monetary gifts upon one and all. The next you’re crapping out, broke as the cellphone that you’ve just managed to drop into the toilet, and boarding your flight home from Vegas with nothing but a scant recollection of what personal pride feels like.

Warning: please do not continue reading this article or scroll down if you do not want to see a gross soccer fan butt. Thank you.

Cristiano Ronaldo continued his run of good form Saturday against Alaves, scoring three goals in a 4-1 victory.

One Alaves fan wasn't impressed, or maybe was really super impressed, or not impressed at all with his side's defending, or just really hot, or hot for Cristiano Ronaldo, or really confused and didn't know what else to do.

We have hit another milestone in 2016 as 32-year-old New England Revolution striker Kei Kamara has become the first man, we assume, to receive a yellow card for twerking in the history of association football. This almost goes without saying, but he’s also the first former winner of the MLS Works Humanitarian of the Year award to receive a yellow card for twerking, a distinction that is unlikely to ever be replicated.