WTF

Monstrous Fish Eats Goalkeeping Coach In Nightmarish Half-Time Show

Blackburn Rovers defeated Derby County 2-1 on Saturday in the English Championship, but the main storyline from the game involves the unleashing of American mascot ‘Mackerel Jordan’ on an unsuspecting British public. 

FIFA Disband Anti-Racism Task Force Without Meeting, Declare Job Done

“I wish I could say that I am shocked by the decision, but unfortunately I am not. The problem of racism in football remains a burning, very serious and topical one, which needs continuous attention.”

Spain's First Openly Gay Referee Attacked With Death Threats

Same sex marriage is legal in Spain and it has been since 2005. However, this does not stop certain oafish individuals from believing they're above common decency and fair-minded societal behavior.

Jack Grealish’s Strange Love For ‘Hippy Crack’ Is Only Matched By The British Media

Sportsmail, the online sports section of the British tabloid newspaper Daily Mail, has revealed another ‘hippy crack’ storm surrounding Aston Villa and England youth international Jack Grealish. Our feelings concerning this issue can be nicely summarized by this Villa supporters poll:

Legia Warsaw Ultras Filmed Brutally Pepper Spraying Stadium Stewards

Legia Warsaw’s Champions League opener against Borussia Dortmund couldn’t have gone any worse for the Polish club. On top of being defeated 6-0, they’ve been retroactively charged by UEFA with six offenses stemming from crowd trouble.

Fireworks, allegations of racist chanting and ultras armed with pepper spray all contributed to the charges. Warsaw ultras were captured on camera trying to break into the away section armed with pepper spray. Their attempt was rebuffed by stadium security, but the stewards tasked with holding the ultras back suffered the brunt of the violence.

Neymar Is Going To Unleash His Music Upon Us Because It’s Time

Remember when Daft Punk released their magnum opus Random Access Memories in 2013, heralded with a genius marketing campaign combining new school strategy and old school nostalgia? By slowly teasing the album’s release, the electronic masters created a buzz that engulfed social media. 

It has been three years since those seminal moments in the music industry, but we appear to be on the verge of another musical zeitgeist. The sound of 2016 is going to be provided by none other than Neymar, his aptly titled #Neymusico already causing a Twitterstorm.

FIFA President Gianni Infantino’s Salary Has Been Confirmed And It’s Sickening

Alright, who’s ready to feel sick and ill at the same time? You? Let’s go. FIFA is cleaning up its act. FIFA is getting its s*** together. That’s hard work — they were mired in metaphorical defecation up to the neck following the reign of corruption’s Sepp Blatter. It’s such a grind piecing together the fallen remnants of football’s global governing body that newly elected FIFA president Gianni Infantino will receive $1.52 million, a car, housing and a monthly expense limit of $2,025 for his troubles.

Told To Die For Roma, They Went Out And Tried To Murder Instead

Everyone’s got a soft spot in their heart for AS Roma, apart from Lazio supporters of course. The club represents the Eternal City, the Italian capital with a history spanning more than two and a half thousand years. Its standing as one of the birthplaces of Western civilization makes anyone’s three-day visit turn into conversational fodder for the rest of their lifetime.

Jeremy Menez’s First Match For Bordeaux Resulted In His Ear Being Torn Off

As far as debuts go, this is about as bad as it can get. We’re sure Jeremy Menez would’ve rather been sent off or scored an own goal in his Bordeaux bow, but he’s lost an ear. 

The 29-year-old transferred from AC Milan to Bordeaux, in his native France, and made his debut for the club against Lorient. Lorient midfielder Didier Ndong promptly asserted himself as the Mike Tyson to Menez’s Evander Holyfield, stepping on his head and tearing his ear off.

This is not a pretty sight.

With Just Over 24 Hours Until Their First Olympic Match, The Nigerian Team Is Stuck In Atlanta

The Nigerian men’s soccer team has been training for the Olympic tournament in Atlanta for the last month. Now, with less than 36 hours before their first match against Japan in Manaus, the Nigerian team remains in their Atlanta hotel.

According to the BBC, an unpaid flight bill resulted in the airline refusing to take the team to Brazil.

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