Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney is already feeling the Sam Allardyce effect. Everton's creaky old prodigal son scored a hat trick in his first performance in front of the new boss. First impressions are very important, and Wayne Rooney clearly knows that.

Granted, Everton were playing West Ham who are terrible, but level of competition doesn't matter when you can do this:

ROONEY! FROM HIS OWN HALF! pic.twitter.com/1TwTF2ipvM

Almost 15 years to the day since Wayne Rooney announced himself to the world by scoring that goal against Arsenal, a now 31-year-old Wazza scored another beauty at Goodison Park, giving supporters another false dawn before the crushing reality set to follow.

Rooney was given far too much space and time at the top of the box in the 12th minute and sent a classy effort beyond Petr Cech, providing a huge sense of relief for both home supporters and Toffees under-fire manager Ronald Koeman.

Wayne Rooney has had an interesting season so far back at Everton. He has scored some historic goals, and gone through a historic slump with this teammates.

Now, his season has gotten even more interesting, as Rooney picked up an injury against Bournemouth that left him looking like an anime villain.

Wayne Rooney injury to eye. pic.twitter.com/rMw0TyB5NK

After pleading guilty to drunk driving charges, Everton attacker Wayne Rooney has been handed a two-year driving ban and sentenced to 100 hours of community service.

Rooney made a statement on his website:

Any thoughts Wayne Rooney had of a happy return to Manchester were ritually sacrificed by being set on fire and danced around by his former teammates.

To wit:

Antonio Valencia, who spent eight seasons as Rooney's teammate in red, welcomed his former captain back by thundering a volley past Jordan Pickford in the fourth minute.

Wayne Rooney was charged with drunk driving early Friday morning. Police stopped England and Manchester United’s all-time leading scorer around 2 a.m. in Wilmslow, Cheshire, south of Manchester about six miles from his home. Rooney was released on bail and will appear in court on Sept. 18.