Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney’s struggles for club and country need no introduction. The perhaps striker, sometimes no. 10 and definitely-not-but-let’s-give-it-a-try midfielder is trying to prolong his days as a soccer boy extraordinaire, but it’s just not coming off at 30 years of age.

His movement looks tired, his touch a bit lumpy and his strengths have been boiled down to a combination of strong concentration levels and nice little layoffs.

The England National Team's Wayne Rooney era appears to be drawing to a close after interim manager Gareth Southgate announced the captain would be dropped against Slovenia.

After a performance from Rooney against Malta that involved a lot of standing around and not very much doing things, Southgate must have felt he had no choice in the matter, even though Sam Allardyce and Roy Hodgson had been cowed into keeping Rooney in their respective England teams. Southgate appears to have followed the example set by Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho in dropping the player.

The decline of Wayne Rooney as a footballing force isn’t confined to this season; his form has been in freefall for at least three years now. While he may be England’s all-time leading scorer, and just three shy of holding the same record for Manchester United, Wayne Rooney is a shadow of the manchild who arrived at Old Trafford back in 2004. 

Apparently, after twelve seasons with the Red Devils, the bell has finally rung for Wayne Rooney.

Every once in a while, we can still catch glimpses of the old Rooney, making a difference in critical moments of a close game for United. And yet, despite those few moments of genius, Rooney is plain and simply playing badly. 

His start of the Premier League season was a flash of hope for United supporters as he scored in the opening game against Bournemouth and dished assists on the two subsequent outings. 

Paul Pogba played his first game back at Old Trafford Friday, so let's talk about Zlatan.

Zlatan is a problem. He has three goals in two games in the Premier League so far, and he looks like the best player in the league so far. Look at this header.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic breaks through for @ManUtd! #PLonNBC https://t.co/VVQFJlY620

Wayne Rooney's testimonial match was played Wednesday, and it was emotional for all involved. Everton, his first Premier League team, and Manchester United, likely his last, fought to a 0-0 draw that brought to mind Rooney's recent form. 

This was truly a game indicative of Rooney now who people think should maybe play in midfield or maybe stay in the dressing room and fold towels or something and not younger Rooney, who ran around on the field and did stuff. Here's a blow-by-blow account of the action. 

(falls asleep in front of the TV)

The transfer saga involving Paul Pogba and Manchester United has become unbearable. It’s been going on for so long that Adidas has had time to spin it into a marketing campaign. It's been going on for so long that Pogba's agent, Mino Raiola, is now the Ballon d'Or favorite. 

Wayne Rooney’s preseason has been priceless. After captaining England to a disastrous showing at Euro 2016, Rooney took a brief vacation before joining Manchester United’s preseason training under new manager Jose Mourinho. His first viral sensation of the new campaign occurred after he was double nutmegged by Memphis Depay and Daley Blind. 

Wayne Rooney gets megged twice in training, by Depay and Blind.pic.twitter.com/qmFT5XYevY

Wayne Rooney is not having a ton of luck with the ladies. Or, rather, Wayne Rooney's Twitter is not having a ton of luck with the ladies. OK, some guy in Tinder using only Wayne Rooney tweets is not having a ton of luck with the ladies. 

We get to watch though, and the results are predictably hilarious.