On the Pitch

If we’re being perfectly honest here, this all really boils down to the quality of the assist in the final passage of play. The clipped, first-time dink hits the runner in stride and leads to the goal, but we mustn’t play down how the runner managed to streak unmarked into the area in the first place. That was accomplished via a somersault.

It’s a perfectly executed somersault simply because the footballer turned gymnast didn’t break his own neck. I think that’s really the only standard that exists with regards to this particular acrobatic exercise.

Terens Puhiri is faster than you. He is faster than me. He is faster than all of us. Terens Puhiri can outrun the earth and the moon and the stars and, dare I say it, even time itself. He has run around solar systems and galaxies. He knows the answers to all of your questions, but he's too busy running fast to answer them. Is there life somewhere else in the universe? Do some quad stretches and find out. He ran through all the alternate realities and says this one's pretty weird, as far as realities go. Apparently there's one where kangaroos are worshipped as Gods.

If this doesn’t make you want to drop everything and hop into a rondo immediately, you have no soul. Football is joy — just look at the reactions from Luka Modric and Marcelo to Cristiano Ronaldo’s reverse elastico on poor Borja Mayoral. The 20-year-old Real Madrid academy graduate doesn’t deserve this kind of brutality, but it’s definitely appreciated by all.

The game just keeps on giving, and players like Ronaldo — now fast approaching his 33rd birthday — show you that the simple joys never get old.

Leon defeated Tigres 1-0 on Saturday with Mexican international Elias Hernandez scoring the lone goal, but the game’s best sequence of action was saved for the 88th minute when winger Andres Andrade performed a dribble worthy of the club’s La Fiera moniker. 

Andrade left Tigres’ Jorge Torres splayed on the floor twice in the space of four seconds. Torres responded by attempting to slice Andrade’s Achilles, but the defender’s premeditated bit of violence only served to highlight the destruction that Andrade had unleashed.

Languishing in last place in the German third division and trailing Meppen 2-0 on Saturday, Carl Zeiss Jena scored the kind of goal that only a club staring relegation square in the face could appreciate.