Outrageous

Last Thursday, the “Matchday — Inside FC Barcelona” documentary premiered in Barcelona with a variety of representatives, players and celebrities present. The series promised a “no-holds-barred view of the club” filmed throughout the 2018-19 season, which offered the high of a league title and the lows of a Copa del Rey final defeat and that cataclysmic 4-0 defeat to Liverpool in the semifinals of the Champions League.

Imagine you’re in Edinson Cavani’s shoes this morning, strolling around the streets outside the Bernabéu in search of that precious, caffeine-rich mate before tonight’s big Champions League encounter with Real Madrid.

You’re not in the best spirits. You’ve missed a good portion of the season through injury, and in your absence, that goddamn Mauro Icardi has scored 10 goals in 11 games to take your job. Now everyone wants to offer Icardi a permanent contract and is totally fine with yours expiring in the summer!

We've seen some absurdly bad penalty kicks over the years, but we now have a new GOAT for worst spot kick ever.

In a goalkeeper vs. goalkeeper PK, Nuneaton Borough's Tony Breeden took a shot which missed high. Breeden did, however, shine the light on his power by absolutely drilling it.

Missed the penalty...and broke the light 

Sergiño Dest knows how to make an entrance. Dest became cap-tied to the USMNT as the Americans romped over Canada 4-1 on Friday night in Orlando, Florida. Despite the four goals, an electric Dest elastico was easily the highlight of the night for the U.S.

Did you ever wear your shirt untucked, look at yourself in the mirror and scream: “GOOD GOD, WHY IS THIS UNTUCKED LENGTH SO UNBECOMING ON MY PERSON?!” I never did that either, but then UNTUCKit came along and introduced the thought into my head. 

The casual men’s clothing company now has 80+ stores across the U.S. and Canada and entered the NFL Hall of Fame in 2019 after airing a commercial starring Drew Brees dragging the "NOLA No-Call.”  

What does Joga bonito mean? 

Well, we can show you what it doesn’t mean.

Joga bonito usually refers to Brazilians playing the beautiful game beautifully, as only Brazilians can. Think 1970 Brazil in full flowing force or the 2002 Canaries zipping past all comers. It’s Pelé, Ronaldo and Ronaldinho.

But this clip out of Brazil on Saturday shows the complete opposite of Joga bonito, looking more like capoeira than anything else. 

Soccer in America is failing, they say. The USMNT sucks! The USWNT will soon be passed by Europeans!

Soccer, we’ve been told, will never fully succeed in America.

Well now, Americans have found a way to stay relevant in soccer — at least once our robot overlords take over. 

In a series of videos that is sure haunt your nightmares, some “Mini Cheetah” robots from MIT have been shown to frolic, run, gallop, trot, prance, do backflips and, yes, play soccer.

Remember when the number one rule about tattoos was that you weren’t supposed to ask the inked party what they meant? Loaded with personal significance, tattoos typically stood as an enigma, and if we’re being cynical, that’s usually the sort of personal brand that the tattooed individual was hoping to cultivate. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no boomer! I’m a fan of ink, but there’s something not quite right with Nicolás Otamendi’s collection here.

Normal chairs, like the one you and I are sitting in right now, are for suckers. They’re for losers who have never accomplished anything in their lives and probably never will.

Thrones, on the other hand, are for gods and kings.

Thrones are for legends like Diego Maradona.

So, to the surprise of absolutely no one, Maradona coached a league match from a throne on Tuesday, expertly guiding his team, Gimnasia La Plata, to a 4-0 rout of Newell’s Old Boys in Rosario, Argentina. 

The second division of Germany, the 2. Bundesliga, seems to be one of those leagues that no one really cares about outside of Germany. But after a few weekend incidents, maybe we should be watching it more.

The first incident was a substitute giving up a penalty. You read that right: A substitute for Holstein Kiel gave up a penalty.