Injuries

Eden Hazard Nutmegs Ref On Glorious Goal But Suffers Nasty Ankle Injury Shortly After

Tuesday’s Champions League Group A encounter between Real Madrid and PSG at the Santiago Bernabéu was pretty much meaningless. Both teams entered the match with Round of 16 qualification secured, and even a Real victory would do little to wrest top spot from PSG due to the Parisians’ perfect record thus far.

It’s Time For The Annual ‘Cristiano Ronaldo Is Finished’ Fall Article

It was always going to happen eventually — it’s just that nobody could’ve predicted how insanely long it’d take for age and the grind of professional sports to somewhat catch up to Cristiano Ronaldo. The 34-year-old has played 982 matches for club and country over the last 17 years, and although he remains decisive, indomitable and a catalyst for one of the world’s best teams, he’s beginning to show signs of what Louis C.K. referred to as “incurable shitty ankle.”

Raúl Jiménez Accidentally Kicks Someone Unconscious Then Apologizes After Scoring Late Winner

Raúl Jiménez was the first to react. 

The Wolverhampton striker’s boot had violently struck the head of Kenan Bajric of Slovan Bratislava while attempting a bicycle kick, and Jiménez immediately called for medical staff to come onto the field.

After 10 minutes, Bajric was stretchered off the pitch. Shortly thereafter, Jiménez was apologizing after scoring a critical late winner. 

If Any Of Manchester United's Front Six Get Injured, The Red Devils Go Back To Crisis Mode

Manchester United looked like a different team when it traveled to Norwich this past weekend. Despite the club’s lack of good penalty takers, the Red Devils put three goals away on a Norwich side that is struggling but is better than what the league table shows.

United has been missing Paul Pogba and Nemanja Matic for quite some time, and United’s midfield looked weak recently with the pairing of Scott McTominay and Fred with Andreas Pereira ahead of them. Anthony Martial has also been out for some time but returned to start the match.

Another Meaningless Brazil Friendly, Another Bad Neymar Injury

It’s easy to get cynical about the Brasil Global Tour sponsored by Chevrolet, which is simply adspeak for the series of globetrotting friendlies that the Seleção contests in between Copa Américas, World Cups and World Cup qualifying. 

In the preposterously bloated football calendar, nobody likes a meaningless friendly. But what’s Brazil supposed to do during the international break with no qualifying stage for the 2020 Copa América and with 2022 World Cup qualifying matches not beginning until March of 2021?

Daniel James Was Using 4D Shithousery To Fake Brain Trauma, Says Ryan Giggs

On Sunday, during a crunch Euro 2020 qualifier between Wales and Croatia in Cardiff, there was a terrifying moment in the 14th minute when highly touted Welsh winger Daniel James — somewhat stooping to win a header in the middle of the park — caught a flying knee to the back of the head from Croatian defender Domagoj Vida.

For The Hundredth Time, Gareth Bale Comes Up Clutch For Wales

Wales and Croatia played to a mutually beneficial draw on Sunday, with Nikola Vlašić’s ninth-minute opener canceled out by Gareth Bale just before the halftime whistle in Cardiff. Croatia remains top of a tight-knit Group E and can secure passage with a draw or victory against Slovakia on Nov. 16, while Wales is now on a collision course with Hungary on Nov. 19 in Cardiff (assuming the Dragons take care of business against Azerbaijan on Nov. 16).

Grisly Hugo Lloris Injury Portends Horrible Tottenham Loss

A grisly Hugo Lloris injury resulted in the first goal allowed as Tottenham suffered a 3-0 defeat to Brighton & Hove Albion on Saturday, takings its tally to 10 goals conceded this week after a midweek 7-2 loss to Bayern Munich.

Neal Maupay mopped up on a Lloris error in the third minute — the error that cause the Spurs keeper’s injury — and Aaron Connolly added a brace as Brighton won for the second time this season. 

Messi Forced Off At Halftime With Another Injury, But Arthur’s Screamer Lifts Barça

Lionel Messi made his first start of the season against Villarreal on Tuesday and normalcy was restored to Barcelona for 15 minutes. Barça raced to a 2-0 lead over that period, but then Messi went down and the Camp Nou went quiet.

It certainly didn’t appear to be a recurrence of the calf injury that’s plagued him so far, and he carried on through the remainder of the first half — just long enough to see Villarreal pull one back through Santi Cazorla.  

Brazilian Football Fan Accidentally Blows Off Hand With Flare And Everyone Just Films It

Warning: This article contains graphic images

Athletico Paranaense won its first ever Copa do Brazil on Wednesday, beating Internacional 3-1 on aggregate to add another trophy to its recent successful run that includes the 2018 Copa Sudamericana. A Brazilian soccer fan supporting the club, however, lost a hand in the process.

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