Highlights

Stressful Holidays? Here’s Two Minutes Of Soothing Dennis Bergkamp Touches

New Year’s Eve is approaching, so it’s time to get all stressed out about having the best time ever while throwing up Smirnoff Ice in the toilet or whatever. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the holiday season, but it’s also extremely likely that you’ve suffered your share of anxiety due to travel, a damning inability to properly give justice to your own existence and personal beliefs over dinner conversation and the realization that another 365-day period has been spent slaving over inconsequential tedium in the face of death, which you’ll inevitably experience entirely alone.

Sergio Busquets Is The Puppet Master And We Are All His Puppets

Did you make a decision today? No. You did not. You think you did, but you didn't. What you thought was a decision made by you was actually made by Sergio Busquets. Busquets is the string-puller, the puppetmaster, the orchestrator. What you thought was fate was actually Sergio Busquets. What you thought was destiny was actually Busquets. There is no such thing as a coincidence. There is only Busquets.

Barca U-13 Plays Like Messi, Looks Like Messi, Getting Hyped Like Messi

When FC Barcelona signed 12-year-old prospect Cristobal Munoz from a youth side affiliated with Malaga last March, the deal was heralded by Barcelona-based daily Sport as the capture of “the hottest young prospect in Spanish football.”

Manchester City Slaughter Newcastle United 1-0 For 18th Straight Win

Manchester City out-possessed Newcastle United 78%-22%, out-passed them 824-228 and outshot them 21-6, but Raheem Sterling’s goal off another sublime Kevin De Bruyne assist was the only difference in Wednesday night’s encounter at Saint James’ Park.

City’s winning streak hit 18 matches while the gap on second-place Manchester United grew to 15 points, but Rafa Benitez’s charges could’ve put a halt to their run in a manner which would’ve had Pep Guardiola guzzling his traditional post-match champagne. 

21-Year-Old Argentinian Giovani Lo Celso Is PSG’s Next Big Thing

It’s not an easy thing to break into the Paris Saint-Germain midfield as an attack-minded 21-year-old. With a guaranteed front three of Edinson Cavani, Neymar and Kylian Mbappe balanced by the automatic midfield selections of Adrien Rabiot and Marco Verratti, there’s only one remaining spot outside of defense for the likes of Angel Di Maria, Julian Draxler, Javier Pastore, Thiago Motta and Giovani Lo Celso (the 21-year-old referenced above) to battle for.

These 23 2017 Goals Show Why Mario Balotelli Is A Wanted Man Come January

Nice president Jean-Pierre Rivere has responded to rumors linking striker Mario Balotelli with a return to Serie A (Milan and Inter being the destinations bandied about) by saying, “Mario leaving? No, that’s impossible. You know his importance. It’s unimaginable.”

Sublime Free Kick Tanks Manchester United, EPL Title Race

Burnley’s sensational quest for European football continued apace Tuesday with an improbable 2-2 draw with Manchester United at Old Trafford. Ashley Barnes gave the visitors a 1-0 lead in the third minute after a free kick into the box was eventually scrambled home, then Steven Defour went direct with a sensational effort in the 36th minute, leaving David de Gea fanning the air.

It's a SportsCenter Top 10 certainty.

Two Minutes Of Luis Suarez Gold, Including Great Goal And Death By Phantom Sniper

On the pitch, Luis Suarez is insane. It’s part and parcel of his playing style. He doesn’t offer the aesthetic subtleties of his Barcelona teammates, but instead harnesses the inner energies of a footballing Babadook to terrorize defenses with whatever means are at his disposal.

During Saturday’s El Clasico, there was a two-minute spell — between the match’s 54th and 56th minutes — that brilliantly encapsulated the art of Suarez. 

Zidane’s Plan To Limit Lionel Messi Backfires Spectacularly

When the starting lineups for Saturday’s El Clasico were announced, there was really only one surprise in the 22 players named for battle: Zinedine Zidane’s decision to drop Isco to the bench in favor of Mateo Kovacic. For many, Isco has been Real’s best player over the past year — a footballer of sublime skill, technique and playmaking ability — while Kovacic’s inclusion meant one thing only: Lionel Messi limitation.

Messi And Suarez Highlight Barcelona's 3-0 Victory Over Real Madrid

Barcelona opened up a nine-point gap at the top of La Liga with an astounding 3-0 victory over Real Madrid at the Bernabeu on Saturday. Real now trail the leaders by 14 points, a seemingly insurmountable margin when coupled with what transpired over the final 45 minutes in Madrid.

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