Goals

This is probably a somewhat contentious decision given that Marta, the five-time FIFA World Player of the Year, has scored over 100 goals for Brazil and over 300 in her club career, but personally, I think this is Marta’s finest hour.

She's had two short stints with Santos in Sao Paulo, and Marta scored this ridiculous solo goal during her time there. It’s extravagantly Brazilian.

Unfortunately for Dynamo Dresden’s Aias Aosman, this’ll probably be the best part of his 2016/17 Skills & Goals HD YouTube video. This flying, kneed volley from 18 yards out left his own goalkeeper no chance as it arrowed inside the far post.

What’s even worse for Aosman is that this goal proved to be the difference — Furth defeated Dresden 1-0 on the day. What’s utterly depressing is that this totally destroyed any chance Dresden had of getting promoted to the Bundesliga.

The decision to describe a goal as a candidate for the Puskas Award is frequently abused. There can only be 10 nominees in a given year, so you should choose your moments to describe a goal as Puskas worthy very carefully.

I’m going to go ahead and play one of my Puskas cards for the year on this unbelievable solo effort from Colombian Juan David Valencia. It’s a great goal, and it’s a great goal with many different layers and subtleties — this goal could win an Oscar.

If we had the resources, I would’ve recreated this goal in clay animation, but our clay animation studio is not finished yet. We are sending Sam Klomhaus out to procure clay so I can begin.

Marcel Schafer’s leg just reminds me of Gumby. I’ve never seen a leg move like that and not been sick to my stomach at the outcome. He’s got Gumby ligaments or ligaments like Street Fighter’s Dhalsim.