Funny

After Scoring Winner Vs. Ajax, Marco Asensio Got A Classic Visit From Grandma

Last Wednesday, Real Madrid’s Marco Asensio scored one of the most important goals of his career, earning his side a vital 2-1 away win over Ajax in the Champions League Round of 16. 

Despite impressing intermittently over the course of his three-year stay at Real, the 23-year-old has struggled for consistency this campaign — much like the rest of his teammates. 

But the victory over Ajax was a massive moment for both club and individual as Asensio’s strike made a NINTH STRAIGHT APPEARANCE in the UCL quarterfinals look very attainable for Real.  

Idiot Playing FIFA Shows Everyone How Not To Treat Their Significant Other On Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a time for Hallmark to sell cards, Russell Stover to sell chocolates and your local florist to sell flowers. It’s a time for partners to celebrate their love and single people to dwell on their wretched singleness. It’s not a time for this idiot playing FIFA.

To all the FIFA players with significant others out there this Valentine’s Day, please do not treat your partner like this idiot playing FIFA.

Teens Prank Stadium PA Into Asking Crowd For A Sexual Favor During FA Trophy Match

Teen boys can be juvenile, crude, lewd, rude — and hilarious.

Case in point: an FA Trophy match (basically a lesser version of the FA Cup) on Tuesday between National League side AFC Fylde and Northern Premier League club Ramsbottom United (no, that’s not the joke). 

During the match, the public address announcer was conned into reading a lascivious statement over the PA. 

Jadon Sancho Forgets Passport, Delays Borussia Dortmund’s Flight

Undoubtedly, there’s a lot on a player’s mind heading into the day of a massive game.

Especially when that important fixture is a Champions League match. Especially when you are an 18-year-old star shouldering high expectations. Especially when you’re a member of the away club on a homecoming trip to the city you were born and raised in for the first time in your professional career. 

U.S. Soccer Focusing On The Right Things, Makes The One Change I’ve Always Wanted

This is the beginning of a new era for U.S. Soccer. 

On Tuesday, the USSF made the change we’ve all been waiting for. No, I’m not talking abolishing pay-to-play, revamping the development academies or giving the men and women equal pay. I’m talking about something far more important. 

Finally, the world makes sense. 

Finally, U.S. Soccer has seen the light. 

Finally, the USWNT and USMNT Twitter handles are what they should be.

FC Dallas Presents Horrific New Jerseys To Players In Hilarious Prank Video

Some of these 2019 MLS kits are looking pretty tasty. Given the time constraints placed on FC Cincinnati after being announced as an expansion club last May, we think the new boys still pulled off an admirable look for Year One.

Ronaldo Rips A Half Volley Straight Into His Teammate’s Face, Ending Him

Things are going fine for Cristiano Ronaldo in Italy. On Sunday, the 34-year-old scored his 18th league goal in 23 appearances during Juventus’ 3-0 victory over Sassuolo. Following Napoli’s draw with Fiorentina, the win sees Juve open up an 11-point gap at the top of the table with 15 matches remaining. 

So it’s looking like an eighth straight Scudetto for the Old Lady and a Capocannoniere for Ronaldo as Serie A’s top scorer. Ho-hum. 

A Snafu, Shitshow And Clusterfuck, As Defined By Man City Vs. Chelsea

Manchester City went top of the Premier League table on goal difference today, and what a sensational difference to the goals they made. And they did it against David Luiz’s Chelsea, no less. 

6-0. +54 GD. That’s City.

I read something interesting from Quartz (I have no idea) about the differences between the words fuck-up, SNAFU, FUBAR, shitshow and clusterfuck. I figured it was clickbait, but it really was a sensational read.

Jamie Vardy Gets Subbed In To Take Immediate Penalty, Maybe Not The Best Strategy

Tottenham stayed lurking in the Premier League title race with a 3-1 victory over Leicester City on Sunday, but it wasn’t that straightforward. Dávinson Sánchez gave Spurs the lead on 33 minutes, but they wouldn’t improve on that advantage until after the hour mark, and minutes before that, things should have been level.

A foray forward from the Foxes ultimately resulted in James Maddison being barged over by Jan Vertonghen, and Leicester used the resulting stoppage in play to bring on Jamie Vardy for Demarai Gray. 

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