Champions League

The mission seemed impossible for Juventus after the first leg.

A defeat at Atletico Madrid meant the Old Lady needed three goals without allowing one against one of the best defenses in all of Europe. 

But Juventus has something this year it’s never had before: Cristiano Ronaldo.

The former Real Madrid superstar paid off his immense transfer fee with one incredible performance, scoring a hat trick to lead Juventus to a 3-2 aggregate win in the Champions League Round of 16 on Tuesday in Turin. 

As Manchester United wildly celebrated two ludicrously self-inflicted PSG errors and a contentious, VAR-influenced handball decision to advance to the last eight of Europe (we won’t begrudge Red Devil supporters after the life and times of David Moyes, LVG and Jose Mourinho, but if you thought Liverpool fans were getting annoying with the EPL title at hand, this is a stern reminder that United’s fanbase is built of the exact same stuff), PSG was left to rue another night of historical ineptitude. 

Manchester United has traveled to Paris with a midfield anchored by Scott McTominay, Andreas Pereira and Fred along with a substitutes’ bench of assorted children and overturned a 2-0 deficit to eliminate PSG from the Champions League. 

When Barcelona recorded its unbelievable comeback win over Paris Saint-Germain two years ago at the Camp Nou, it was a story about a brilliant team coming together to defy the odds. 

When Manchester United recorded its unbelievable comeback win over PSG on Wednesday, it was a story that made everyone watching feel yucky (Manchester United fans aside). 

We got 10 years of Pepe at Real Madrid, and if time weren’t such a cruel mistress, we could’ve been blessed with 10 more. I, for one, would welcome an eternal version of Pepe, a timeless incarnation of shithousery that doesn’t care about VAR now being a thing — a mad lad with his face cast in an eternal scowl, eyebrows bulging cartoonishly from his skull and always looking for fingers to stomp on and fouls suffered to greatly exaggerate. 

Harry Kane’s lone goal in the 48th minute put the finishing touches on a 4-0 aggregate victory for Tottenham over Borussia Dortmund on Tuesday, putting Spurs into the quarterfinals of the Champions League for the first time since 2011.

Real Madrid captain Sergio Ramos intentionally picked up a yellow card late in the first leg against Ajax to earn himself a suspension for the return leg so he’d be ready to go in the quarterfinals. Real Madrid won’t make it to the quarterfinals.

And this might be the end of the Real Madrid dynasty as we know it.

Chelsea manager Maurizio Sarri elected to bench starting goalkeeper Kepa for Chelsea’s hosting of Tottenham.

The benching ended in favor of Sarri as the Spurs failed to get a shot on goal against veteran keeper Willy Caballero in a 2-0 victory on Wednesday. The Argentine was not tested in the net as the few shots Tottenham managed to get off were wide.

On the Blues’ side, Pedro played phenomenal after nutmegging Spurs keeper Hugo Lloris.

In his first season in Italy after nine season with Real Madrid, Cristiano Ronaldo returned to the Spanish capital for a Champions League Round of 16 match on Wednesday.

Facing Atlético Madrid with his new Italian club Juventus, Ronaldo was unsurprisingly a target of the home fans at the Wanda Metropolitano. He responded by mocking the Atleti fans, and Los Colchoneros responded by handing the Bianconeri a critical 2-0 defeat. 

Leroy Sané’s spectacular 85th minute free kick denied Schalke a famous victory over Manchester City in the first leg of their Champions League Round of 16 tie at Veltins-Arena. The footballer that Schalke groomed entered the match in the 78th minute and then hammered the dead ball seven minutes later to draw 10-man City level — and then Raheem Sterling muscled his way to goal for a dramatic 3-2 winner in the 90th minute.