Business

There’s nothing Cristiano Ronaldo loves more than himself. Who can blame him? He’s one of the best footballers in the world, looks like a more attractive version of Adonis and is the highest-paid athlete on the planet. 

So when Ronaldo was asked to sponsor a company that was presumably modeled after his chiseled abdomen, he jumped at the opportunity as he would at a teasing cross or being asked to take off his shirt.

Every football club in the world wants to buy Lionel Messi, but there are only a few that can even begin to think about maybe trying to buy him, because Messi would cost a truly absurd amount of money. We'll start with Lionel Messi's $352.7 million release clause, a sum so insanely high that until a few weeks ago it was unfathomable that anyone would ever pay it, even for the best footballer ever.

Barcelona is on the market for a new beau. The club is on Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, everything searching for someone to fill the hole in its left wing heart left by Neymar. But Barca sees Neymar smiling and laughing with a new love in Paris and gets angry.

Like a worm-filled peach, Barcelona appear to be rotting from the inside. After the departure of Neymar and the inability to bring in a replacement (they reportedly have given up on Philippe Coutinho), Barcelona's business-folk have not been holding up their end of the bargain.

Lionel Messi has agreed to sign a new contract with Barcelona, but Messi has not actually signed said contract yet.

This is obviously not good for Barcelona, who have to deal with the fallout from Neymar's transfer. Messi's current deal runs out after this season, but Barcelona have always maintained Messi would stay at the Camp Nou. It seemed like that was a certainty when La Pulga's new deal was announced earlier in the summer, to be officially signed when Messi showed up for pre-season training.

Barcelona, a club not used to losing star players, accepted the largest transfer fee of all-time as Paris Saint-Germain funded the release clause for Brazilian striker Neymar on Thursday. The $263,480,000 fee didn’t just shatter the old record, it eviscerated it, more than doubling the $117.6 million Manchester United paid for Paul Pogba.

I don't know what will become of Portsmouth following its acquisition by former Disney CEO Michael Eisner, but I can't help but hope it turns out exactly like this:

If you thought fidget spinners were only for hyperactive tweens and squirmy corporate adults, then think again.

The most annoying and amusing toy in the world just received the stamp of approval from Ronaldinho. The Brazilian legend recently released his own line of fidget spinners, available in silver, gold and black. The stylish gadget’s piéce de résistance is the emblazoned “Ronaldinho” signature.