There’s something beautiful about watching Lionel Messi in action. It’s poetic, balletic and scintillating. The anticipation when he receives the ball brings butterflies to the stomach. The way he effortlessly skips by defenders and zips in shots from long range makes the heart sing. How he deftly controls a sharp pass with the outside of his left boot before depositing a shot into the lower corner tingles the senses like a romantic first kiss.
But mostly, we just love seeing Messi embarrassing the sorry fools who try to stop him week after week.
Finding Messi (or Ronaldo) highlight videos on the internet is about as easy as finding adult entertainment on the internet.
Here are a couple from this past season. We’ve gone ahead and pointed out the most devastating moves below them so you can skip to the best parts. That way you can get back to finding adult entertainment on the internet.
Messi’s elegance can often betray the difficulty of his maneuvers. He does not necessarily have the flash of Neymar or the speed and power of Ronaldo, but he makes up for it with agility, vision and an uncanny knack for creating space. He’s got the jukes and evasion skills of Barry Sanders, Allen Iverson’s devastating dribbling and Bobby Orr’s grace and finesse.
Here’s a breakdown of Messi utterly embarrassing opponents from the last season.
0:57 — Using one or two touches for each move, Messi bounces past four defenders before hitting a low shot right at the keeper. Though Messi doesn’t score, Luis Suarez is there for the rebound for Barcelona, and Messi is just as happy with the goal.
1:36 — After escaping one defender, Messi used his left then right foot in swift succession on another onrushing fool, who had no idea how he missed the ball.
1:54 — Messi receives a short pass with a defender on his back. After controlling the ball, he pivots and dinks it through the legs of the chump.
2:24 — Messi races to reach a 50-50 ball first before turning into a ballerina, pirouetting around the opposition’s entire midfield to create space and find a forward pass.
4:52 — With two suckers on his back for nearly 10 seconds, Messi is able to hold them off and finally earn a free kick, with none of the opponents really coming close to the ball despite their proximity.
6:28 — After chesting down the ball with his back more than 30 yards from goal, Messi turns around his bewildered defender, races to the top of the 18 to once again curl a trademark shot into the bottom of the far left corner.
7:35 — Messi scores with his head. He never does that. How embarrassing for the defense, which seemed to forget the best player in the world was on the pitch.
8:59 — With four clowns within a stride of Messi, the magician plays a quick 1-2 off his left then right leg to pass to an open man out wide.
9:25 — Nothing is more embarrassing than a nutmeg and this is one of Messi’s best. The beauty comes with the speed with which it happens. At full speed, you might not even realize the defender completely lost his jock.
10:32 — This run shows how devastating Messi’s subtle dekes can be, gliding up the pitch to find room to take a shot and set up a Luis Suarez goal.
11:19 — As a defender, you can’t allow yourself to be out jumped to a cross. It’s understandable if it’s Cristiano Ronaldo, who is tall and jumps like a kangaroo, but to be out jumped by little Messi? Embarrassing.
1:04 — Messi prances into the box after bypassing three defenders, dances around for a moment and scoops a shot into the back of the net. Notice how none of the opponents want to close down on him (at least three could have) because they’re afraid of Messi dribbling past them.
3:05 — Messi magnificently jukes his way around three more fools to get into the 18-yard box. His right-footed shot sails way high, but still a thrilling move. Perhaps Messi’s greatest flaw is his right foot, which looks pedestrian in comparison to his luxurious left, but is probably better than most professionals’ right foot.
5:47 — Messi fakes one way, cuts back the other way from a dead stop.
Barcelona will start the 2017-18 preseason on July 23 in the International Champions Cup. The season begins in earnest on Aug. 13 in the Spanish Super Cup against Real Madrid.
We can’t wait to see how Messi embarrasses the next batch of fools.
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