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Entertainment

Ronaldo’s Latest Underwear Line Is Sexy AF And Has Me Questioning My Sexuality

By Travis Yoesting March 9, 2018
Featured Image
Is there a better underwear salesman than Cristiano Ronaldo?
@Cristiano | Twitter

This week, the latest line of Cristiano Ronaldo underwear was unveiled to the world. You don’t need me to tell you this, but it’s sexy AF. 

Believe it or not, this is the ninth collection of CR7 Underwear released in the last six years by the Real Madrid star. So how does the Portuguese mahogany god keep selling tight underwear to football fans around the world? Turns out he’s a master salesman. As proof, let’s analyze this latest line of Cristiano Ronaldo underwear and the website hawking his wears. 

First of all, you’re probably wondering what makes this collection different from the first eight. In the past he’s sold camo underwear, summertime underwear and a Canadian tuxedo, which isn’t underwear but definitely sounds like it should be. 

Ronaldo has said he loves playing around with prints and colors for past collections. But this time he focused on luxury, using premium materials and he refined the color palette to “more sophisticated tones.” I don’t even know what that means but I want to sophisticate in his underwear. 

Cristiano Ronaldo Underwear review

Nothing says comfort like wearing another man’s underwear. Screenshot: https://ss18.cr7underwear.com/

By now you’ve fully noticed the package of photos. If you can take your eyes off Ronaldo’s pristine physique, you might notice he’s not in a normal studio for the photo shoot. As it turns out, Ronaldo did the entire photo shoot at his own home, saying underwear is intimate and what better way to showcase that than by showing him in his most intimate environment?

“I was able to really relax on the shoot and I think you can see that in the photos,” Ronaldo says.

Yes, he looks plenty relaxed.

Cristiano Ronaldo Underwear Review

“When I’m at home I do relax in my CR7 Underwear.” (Actual quote from Ronaldo.) Screenshot: https://ss18.cr7underwear.com

This does cause me to question a few things though — and not just my own sexuality. Ronaldo is a multi-millionaire who I’m sure has a massive house. Yet we only see images of him in two locations. C’mon CR7, show us more; we want you to bare it all! Talking about your house, obviously… 

Back to the clothing and Ronaldo’s expert salesmanship. Ronaldo harps on the luxury aspect of his underwear, which is all fine and good, but he also knows just how to get you to reach for your pants — for your wallet, get your minds out of the gutter. 

“Clothing doesn’t have to be expensive to feel luxurious — an amazing fit and nice fabrics are what makes items stand out, and are also what makes pieces timeless,” Ronaldo says. 

Cristiano Ronaldo Underwear Review

Cristiano Ronaldo in his underwear playing with his balls. Screenshot: https://ss18.cr7underwear.com

After going on about how underwear is the foundation to any luxurious outfit, Ronaldo brings it home with one final killer piece of ballsy salesmanship. 

“There are a few luxuries that I think every man should treat himself to,” he says. “I love music so it’s important to me to have a good pair of headphones, a beautiful watch, smelling great is a must so every man should have a nice signature fragrance and of course, very good quality underwear!”

By now you’re probably going nuts looking for the “Buy Now” button. But there are so many options, how do you choose which Cristiano Ronaldo underwear to buy? The simple answer: all of them. Listen to Ronaldo and treat yo self. 

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